Dear Judah,

YOU’RE HERE.
You’re beautiful.
I am in love with you.
I am more in love with your dad.
I am completely amazed by everything you do and so so so thankful to have you in our family.
With all the love in the world but a little less sleep,
Mama

Dear Judah,

I know its been a long time but let me be honest we have been busy!

You had another baby shower, you got more than you’ll ever need, haha.
You got lots of hand made blankets (one from my grandma that looks like my baby blanket and one from my brother Aron! He is 14 and a much better seamstress than I am :/ guess that year of Fashion Merchandising School didn’t do so much…haha)
Then we went and saw Amber before she went to prom.
We’ve also been having cook outs every weekend because it is officially summer time!! I can’t wait till you can join us! We’ve already established you did NOT like the noodles Tim made last weekend since you woke me up at 2 o’clock giving me the worst contractions I’ve had so far, but its ok haha, we’ll find something you like eventually. Last weekend Malachi came with his parents and your dad carried him around in the baby carrier all night haha, I think secretly everyone is impressed by his dad skills, I am!
The last time I went to the doctor they said you’d be around 7lbs 6 oz again. The doctor that always tells me that is my favorite, he is always so nice! He also said your not really in any hurry to come, SUPRISE! I could have told him that, haha. But thats ok! You take your time and get big and strong!
Austins mom is having surgery tomorrow and my mom had surgery 2 weeks ago so I know they’re excited to spend time with you while they recover and I’m sure that you’ll help speed that along
I go to the doctor again on Friday so we’ll see how you’re doing! and honestly I hope to see you soon!
I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re ready to see you! Well ready, maybe not PREPARED haha but it will be ok, I believe very strongly G-d will give me and your dad all the wisdom we need to figure it all out, so be patient with us while we learn
With all the love in the whole wide world,
Mama

First Mothers Day weekend!

My most beloved son,

This weekend was so so busy! But it was also my first Mothers Day (as an actual mother, haha)

Friday your dad and I got to spend the whole day together : ) He brought me breakfast in the morning and we spent the day looking at thrift stores then we had some delicious chinese food for lunch and I took a much needed nap before we headed to Greensboro for a graduation party for Eric. Even though we weren’t really hungry we shared a delicious cheeseburger and I ate more cake than anyone ever should. After hearing numerous times “you look ready to pop” I realized, you are coming very very soon, and I do look that way haha. And after a lot of hugs and kisses to the sweet sweet people there (who even paid for our dinner!) we came home and got some sleeps.

Saturday my dad came to pick me up and I went to go take pictures with my mom and sister for prom. She looked absolutely beautiful and I made it a point to tell her as many times as I could that I thought she looked really pretty. We took lots of pictures down by the lake (when my mom gives me back my camera I’m going to post some!) Abby and Stephanie even decided to take a picture with you! Well with their hands on my belly, haha. Then we met your dad in Winston and had Mellow Mushroom with my family. It’s been nice to get to see them so much lately.

Sunday I didn’t go to church it’s been getting much harder for me to sleep through the night so I stayed home and tried to get some rest. Then we went to your dad’s parents house for lunch and ended up staying all afternoon talking and working in your grandmas garden. I can’t wait till next summer when your older and I’m not completely incapable of bending over to have a garden! I’ve wanted one for two years now and next year we will have one!

Mothers day was really special for me, even though I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary I’ve gotten to experience the love of so many mothers lately and it’s just been such an encouragement especially since you will be here soon. It’s nice to feel like maybe I can do it! and maybe I can do it as well as some of the mothers I know, in time of course. I just really feel like G-d has called me to be a mother, your mother, and I just want to do my very best.

Lastly! Yesterday was your dad’s birthday! He’s 24 whole years old! He went hiking with my brother and Hayden and after looking at the map for where they were going I decided to stay home. Seeing as you really could just come any day now I didn’t want to take the chances of walking 6 strenuous miles and then having you on top of a mountain. But they had fun, and definitely got wore out. Again, I know you probably already have figured it out, but I’m very thankful for your dad and even though I didn’t get to go with him yesterday I really love him and hope he had the best birthday, he definitely deserves it.

Tomorrow I go to the dr for one of my last visits! I only have 4 more before you get here (one every week now, instead of every other week) I can’t wait to see how things are going with you and I know you’re getting huge and healthy and that G-d is continuing to take care of you in every single way and I’m very very thankful for that.

With all the love in the world precious boy,
Mama

Dear Judah,

Sweet sweet boy, let me be honest with you, you are hurting my ribs. It would be most convenient for you to move down some, please?

But on another note (one that’s a little nicer) you had your first baby shower Monday! My mom and your aunt Abby (Which you will not call her. You will call her Shelly like I do) came to see your room! Then they took your dad and I to dinner, at La Hacienda of course, before the shower. Like you don’t already eat there enough. I apologize in advance for your addiction to chips and salsa and other delicious mexican foods.

Then we all went to the shower our church was having. It was so sweet to see literally every old lady that comes to our church there. I felt so comforted in knowing you will have so many older people in your life that will care about you so much and treat you with so much love and kindness. You got about a 1,000 diapers (seriously though, not kidding) but my mom informed me that wouldn’t last very long, haha. We all shared cake and other treats and all the ladies shared their funny baby stories and at the end all the ladies gathered around and prayed for us.

I remember when I was getting married to your dad I saw a picture on a wedding blog I read a lot of a girl getting prayed for in her wedding dress before she got married. It was the sweetest thing in the whole world to see the hands of so many different aged women on her praying for her to have a successful and G-dly marriage. I wanted that so bad at my wedding, but unfortunately, due to all the rushing and business that day it just didn’t happen. I was so excited I got to experience it this time with you though. You have had so much prayer and good things spoken over your life that I know you will be so blessed and I am so thankful to have a family (church and not) that prays for you constantly.

Yesterday your dad and I just spent the whole evening in bed watching movies and as much as I love doing that and as much as I love spending time with your dad alone I am very excited to have you here with us soon. We like to cuddle a lot so I’m sure you will enjoy it : )

Also when you are here I will get to do all sorts of things I can’t right now and that is also exciting to me ! haha
I’m going to drink a diet soda, and even a beer! (but not till my birthday when your a few months old)
I’m going to wear my old clothes (if they fit)
I’m going to have sushi!

and those are silly things and don’t matter near as much as you being here with us.
With all the love in the whole wide world,
Mama

Things an almost 9 month pregnant lady probably shouldn’t do… and some she should.

Saturday I walked around Merlefest with Austin and his family for about 11 hours. With a few breaks here and there for ice cream cones and meals. I got to see precious Doc Watson open up that morning and honestly a lot more good music than I thought I would see. (Saturday did not have many artist I wanted to see, but I ended up enjoying so many of them.) I walked up and down a giant hill twice, and didn’t fall once.
Then by 7:30 I was ready to go home. After a quick stop by a sweet friends house I came home and went right to sleep.
Sunday we were very late to church because we stopped to get donuts for Sunday school and breakfast for us. We had a quick service and a good communion. Let me just say the importance of communion has really become a reality to me this past year and I am very thankful for it.
Then we came home and after searching for at least 20 minutes for something acceptable to wear that would fit over my ever growing belly we went hiking at Pilot Mountain.
As hard as it was to walk up some things and as scary as it was to walk down some in fear of falling it was fun. It was enough to wear me out and help me get some good sleep, which I have definitely been lacking lately. Having an extra 17lbs on you definitely makes a good work out too haha. Then we stopped by the Dairy-O on the way home and I had ice cream and french fries (the things pregnant ladies should do…) and after a sweet church service from some very interesting and precious missionaries I came home and was very ready for bed.
Today I got to sleep in late! I’m going to clean up the baby room and do some laundry and other things since my mom is coming over tonight, then her and my sister and I are going to go to a baby shower the church is having for us! (things pregnant ladies should do number 2)

It is already May and let me be honest it is going to fly by!
We have baby shower number one this week and Hayden’s birthday.
My sisters prom, a graduation party, possibly mothers day dinner with my mom this weekend.
Third day concert with my mom and aunt, Chapel meet, brother sleepover/La Dispute show, Austin’s Birthday the next week.
Baby shower number 2, and possibly 3 the next weekend and Chapel homeless feed the weekend after that.
THEN IT WILL BE FREAKING JUNE!

My sweet baby boy, were still excited to see you, but you stay in there till June. You still have a lot of growing up to do! and we still do too!
Love,
Mama

Dear Judah,

My most beloved son,

CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE ALREADY 8 & 1/2 MONTHS OLD! It will be no time before you get here and I can’t tell you how excited we all are!

You are growing so big and strong and all the doctors have said everything is going just fine. I’ve started to get real tired again and your dad keeps pushing me to rest more and even though it’s the only thing I really want to do haha laying in bed all day sure does get boring. However, you will be here soon to at least keep me company haha.

I’ve been getting good and big too! The other night I babysat for Greta and while I was getting ready to give her a bath she told me “You have long hair! and a dress like me! and a BIG BELLY!” and I guess she’s right, haha. As uncomfortable as it is, it is nice to actually look pregnant now haha and I’ve only got a little while to go so I think I can deal : ) Especially for you!

Sunday at church your dad preached! He did a really really good job and it’s exciting to get to see G-d working through him so much. I know he is going to be the very best dad for you and I know that he is going to be able to teach you so well how to be a strong man in G-d. The other night at youth group he had started singing a song that goes “The only way that I can learn to love, is You” and since then he’s just had it stuck in his head and has been trying to write the rest of it and he finally did on Saturday at work. Sunday before he preached he was leading worship and he decided to tell everyone about the song he had on his heart and just how he was reading in a book (The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis) about a woman who chose to love her son more than she loved G-d and just how that had impacted him because he wanted to love his son so much and he wanted that love to be real and he realized the only way he could do that was through G-d’s love. Even though he told me Saturday he was going to talk about it your Grandpa (or whatever you decide to call him) was there and he put his hand on my shoulder and I just felt so much love for you and your dad and his dad too and I knew that love was only from the love that G-d was showing me. I’m pregnant so I cried, but it was worth it.

Then after church some kind ladies prayed for me after Deborah asked if she could. She rubbed my belly the whole time and even though it was a little awkward since it was in the parking lot with everyone leaving and whispering “Is she ok?” it felt good. It felt relieving and relaxing and it felt like you felt it too. She prayed all sorts of nice blessings over you and the delivery and that Austin and I would be the very best parents and lead by the Holy Spirit the whole time we have with you, even now and it was just so kind of her. When we left your dad said “Was Deborah praying for you? That is so legit! That is what people need to do when they get out of church! Keep praying for each other! and he was definitely right : )

It amazes me the amount of love people have for you already and your not even here yet! So many people are so excited to see you and I just can’t even believe the amount of love there is for you in my heart. Your dad has been so sweet to me and so kind and such a good example of true love and I know I’m not the best at being that back to him but the love we have for each other is just growing continually with our love for you. It’s so exciting to me to think of all the ways that you’ll be like him and all the ways you’ll be like me and that you will be the exact person G-d has planned for you to be.

Today I was listening to a sermon Heidi Baker was doing on Obedience Through Love and everything about it was good, but two of the things that she said really stuck with me. One was just part of a vision she was having that G-d had given her and Jesus had broken off a piece of His body and given it to her after she had seen multitudes of children that we’re hungry and broken and after He did He told her that “His body was broken so that no one would be in need. So that they would have everything” and I just think about all the ways that Jesus has been breaking off His body so continually for your dad and me. For all the ways He is constantly providing for us and for all the ways He will constantly provide for you, and that always does a good job of taking away any fears or doubts I may have. I know we’re safe in His hands, all three of us. The second thing that stuck out was a story Heidi told about giving birth to her son Elisha. Since they we’re in Indonesia and didn’t have any money the church they were working at had given them this insurance to go and have their baby in a hospital, but it had to be in Hawaii. So they left and got there and seeing as it was very very cheap insurance ($30 to be exact, Wow!) the doctors normally were in a very big hurry and normally just came in, delivered the baby, and rushed out. While Heidi was giving birth she was worshipping (EVEN THEN!) and she was singing and she was prophesying over her son that was being born, she didn’t even know it at the time but she was speaking in Hebrew! She said “I don’t even know Hebrew!” haha but the doctor was Jewish and had understood it all and the nurses even asked her to stop talking because she was making the doctor uncomfortable haha but Heidi said “This is my time, and I’m going to worship my G-d!”

Her courage through out having a child was so awesome! So encouraging to me and of course made me tear up (I promise when you’re here I wont’ be such a baby, I hardly ever cry!) But the fact that G-d used her even in a time where you are so vulnerable physically, emotionally and even just being in a room with complete strangers giving birth was so cool to me. So awesome that G-d uses us in everything and so obvious to me that having a child is such a huge blessing from G-d that He wants to use every single part of it. I can’t say I’m excited about the pain that will be there when I give birth, but I am excited to let G-d use me and even make that experience about Him.

Little one, I mean it when I say I can’t wait to see you. I can’t wait to hold you. I can’t wait to see your dad hold you. I can’t wait to give you kisses and hugs. I can’t wait to pray over you. I can’t wait to hear your dad sing to you. I can’t wait to be a family with you!

With all the love in the whole wide world,
Mama

Dear Judah,

My sweet sweet boy,

You are getting huge! Your kicking like crazy, especially at Chapel or just whenever I want to lay down. I read somewhere the other day that you react differently to male voices since they’re so low. Obviously you really like them because you can’t sit still when your dad’s talking or one of your uncles is singing. The other night we weren’t even at Chapel and you were going crazy while your dad was preaching at church. It was cute, I think your dad was excited.
The other day we were in your room watching a movie on the couch and your dad was sitting next to me and you kicked me, I think I’m just getting used to it because I didn’t even notice, and he said “Did the baby just kick you? I think I felt it!” He puts his hands on my belly all the time now to see if he feels you haha.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my mom lately, I hope that when you grow up we skip those awkward years me and my mom had before I realized how truly caring and wonderful she is. I think I had it in my head for far too long that she just didn’t care what I did, but I can tell now that her and my grandma have such a genuine love for me. Such a motherly affection that wants to do nothing else but care for me (and you!) and maybe it just took me being a mom to realize it but it makes me feel so nice. So comforted. So loved and I hope that I can make you feel the same way.

We’ve been doing Chapel at the old chapel this week and it’s been really good! It’s been hard for me to sit on the hard tiny benches haha but that place has a special place in my heart. Last night your dad sat down beside me and held my hand and just told me that he knew that God was still doing a lot of things with us and that he knew that God called me to be a mom and that I was going to be able to do it so well and have all the perfect things to say to you and the perfect ways to handle every situation. Of course since I’m all pregnant and stuff I got all teary eyed and cuddly, but I think about it a lot and I am very very thankful to be married to your dad. I hope that in a lot of ways you grow up to be just like him and to be a strong man of God like he is. I think he’s going to be a great dad and I think he’s going to teach and show you a lot of things even when he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. Even though I came home last night and was fussy with him and didn’t get to tell him those things I mean it when I say he’s going to be the best dad for you ever.

It’s only 2 months till you get here pretty much! We’ve been planning baby showers and my moms coming to help us paint your room in a few weeks and we are all so so so excited to get to see you!
Keep growing big and strong and try and keep your tiny little feets out of my ribs please. I apologize for the lack of room, when you finally see how small I really am you’ll understand. And when one day I’ll have to look up to talk to you or stand on my toes to give you a hug I won’t be the least bit surprised.

With all the love in the world,
Mama

A quick catch up

It is already half way through March and here is where I am:

1. I celebrated my sisters 17 birthday.
2. I’ve spent a lot of time with my family.
3. I had a “Girls Breakfast for Lunch” at my house while some precious girls were on spring break.
4. Added some more things to Judah’s room.
5. Started my last trimester of my pregnancy.
6. Gained 5 lbs in one month, which lead to finally looking pregnant for real.
7. Had some good days.
8. Had some not so good days.
9. Realized the truth about some things.
10. Realized after talking to Hayden an Austin at lunch that I don’t have a “love language” apparently.
11. Fought really hard.
12. Longed and made an effort to be in Your presence more often. I’ve felt such a need to be with You away from everything else lately.
13. Started a new book which has been very uplifting.
14. Have thought about the Emerywood Cafe a lot.
15. Made it a point to read “My Utmost for His Highest” on a more regular basis.
16. Really gotten excited for Judah to be here, sometimes I just really feel like I want him around so bad already.

March really will be a good month, I know it.

Dear Judah

My most beloved son,

So much has been going on the past week! And you have been getting so big! Everyone can finally tell I’m pregnant haha and I can surely feel it.

Thanks to lots of bubble baths my backs not feeling too bad anymore.

I guess no matter how small you are my body is still not used to all your moving around!

We also started fixing up your room last night. Your sweet and precious Mamaw gave us some carpet to lay down and we set up your crib and hung the curtains and all sorts of things.

I think your dad was mainly excited to get to set up his desk/computer in here so he can work and watch movies in here when you arrive. And he just really likes his computer/iPad haha. He’s already been doing a lot of work in here

He even put his amp and guitar in here haha. I think it’s becoming more of his room than yours, but that will change when you get here! Promise!

My momma and I found lots of goodies for you this weekend and your dads mom has been finding lots of things for you too!

I can’t believe we’ll be getting to see you in such a short time! All we have left is March, April, and May. I’m even going for my 7 month check up next week. Time has surely flown by but still seems to be going slowly.

I guess I’m supposed to be “treasuring” these last few “free” months, but mainly we’re just excited to get to see you! When I set up your crib last night I got so excited! Something about picturing you in there just made it so much more real.

With all the love in the world!
Mama

Also a lot of my time has been spent at DeBeen working on my “Creative Worship” series I plan on doing with the youth group. It’s been going really really well! And besides who doesn’t enjoy spending their free time at DeBeen with a hazelnut coffee and some good books?

Because let’s be honest, there’s is by far the best. And those white chocolate raspberry muffins they have, I have eaten so many, they’ll probably be your very favorite food.

And yes, that is a little girl in a tutu dancing behind the fountain. Haha.

On feeling beautiful when your 6 and a half months pregnant and all you feel is fat.

Today for the first time since I’ve been pregnant I put on a dress that used to be huge on me and it actually fit, not tight, but fit like it should.

My “what to expect when you’re pregnant” app this morning was all about telling yourself “I’m not fat I’m having a baby”

This also helps:

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling,And there is no blemish in you.”
- Song of Solomon 4:7

Today is a good day no matter how pretty I feel I got a Starbucks date with Becca, free coffee cake, and a movie date with my husband tonight. Honestly, I really like Tuesdays.

You always do a good job reminding me of what I really am to You and for that I am very thankful.